It’s going to sound really simple. Kind of odd to some people. But for me, it’s a complex goal that isn’t going to be easy to reach.
I’m going to have to work at it. More than other people. Maybe more than you.
My New Year’s resolution is this: Be Happy.
Being happy used to be so simple years ago. I just simply was happy. Sure, there were bad times, but in general, life was good and I was happy.
Well, in general my life is still good. But am I happy?
I’m not sure that I am. And the fact that I need to think about it isn’t a good sign.
It’s not because anything is wrong. I have a great life. My kids, high-maintenance though they are, are good kids. Hubs is awesome. I have friends and family and all that great stuff. My family is not financially wanting and we have all the material things we need.
So what is it? What’s wrong with me? Why am I not … happy?
For a while now, despite following my own tips for managing depression during the holidays, I’ve been having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. My kids have been annoying me. I have been irritable and sad and wanting to be left alone.
I just haven’t been feeling like myself.
So one particularly bad morning last month, I popped half an antidepressant. For most people, SSRIs take a while to kick in. Sometimes weeks. For me, not so much. I feel better within hours.
And as expected, after taking that pill I felt better. I felt like me.
Since then, a few times a week I’ve been taking half a pill. And the days I do, I feel – well, happier. Less negative. More able to enjoy life.
I worked for so long to wean myself off SSRIs. And then I was off them for three months.
But maybe that time is over. Maybe I need them again to feel like me. To be happy.
And if that’s the case, so be it.
Because I want to enjoy my kids. Not be annoyed by them.
I want to feel accomplished when I knock off to-dos from my list. Not feel defeated over what I didn’t get done.
I want to appreciate all that I have. Not worry about what I can’t control.
As far as I know, this life is the one chance I get. I don’t want to spend it feeling down, negative, and sad.
I’ll keep working at this being happy thing. I’ll exercise and eat right and do all the things I’ve been doing to try to feel good.
And if my brain needs a little help in the form of antidepressants, I’m not going to beat myself up over it.
My resolution is to be happy. And I’ll take all the help I can get.
Are you happy? If not, what are you going to do about it?
Do you have any resolutions for the new year?