My Elf on the Shelf is Defective. And Naughty.

You guys. My Elf on the Shelf is broken.

The little bugger is supposed to strike the Fear of No Presents into the hearts of my children, right? Inspire them to be good and stay off the naughty list? Less whining, more cheer?

Well, it’s not working. It’s Whining and Crying Central around here.

I took to Facebook to air my grievances:

my elf on the shelf is defective

Some people had some good ideas – I’m so doing that naughty/nice list thing.

But you know, to be honest, my hopes aren’t too high. I think my kids think Santa loves them – no matter what. And will bring them presents – no matter what.

Seems like that unconditional parental love thing has been extended to the jolly old elf. *sigh*

But to make matters worse, my elf is not only defective, he’s plain old naughty.

What did he do?

bad, naughty elf

Bad, BAD elf.

So maybe your elf keeps forgetting to move. And maybe he’s not inspiring your kids to be good. But at least your elf isn’t romancing the ladies like mine.

Do you have an Elf on the Shelf? Is he helpful? Lazy? Downright naughty? Or could your kids not care less?

Comments

  1. Prem says

    While the elf is humor, putting children or anyone in a state of fear is the main cause of behavioral problems. When child feels safe, they behave and are mild mannered. When they are in fear, they act out, cry, get angry, rebel, disobey and even become violent.

    It may be fun, but, I suggest you toss out that elf on the shelf and your beliefs that putting children in fear is somehow beneficial to your children or anyone, with the elf on the shelf. FEAR IS VERY HARMFUL TO CHILDREN, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS CAUSED BY PARENTS, THE ONES CHILDREN RELY ON TO KEEP THEM SAFE!!!

    • JCal says

      1. We do help each other be better moms. Knowing that we’re not alone does make us better moms. Knowing that we, and our children, are human beings with human behavior, makes us better moms. I am a better mom when I can look at 20 other moms whose kids are doing the EXACT same thing and relax, because it’s not me. They all do that. It doesn’t mean I don’t address it, but I can stop worrying that I’m a “failure” and start working on it. Not feeling like a failure MAKES me a better mom.

      2. I don’t know about the kids you know, mine are HUMAN, which means they have feelings and wants and needs and expectations and frustrations and, you know, HUMAN behavior. Children are not born as pod people. Do you even HAVE kids or is this that back seat parenting people that aren’t parents like to do?

      3. I’ve grown up in a house of fear. Don’t even. None of these women display any of the type of behavior I have had to live with on a daily basis. Believe me, growing up in a REAL house of fear leaves it’s mark. Children (and adults) SHOULD fear consequences. There are consequences to good behavior and bad behavior. However you seem to be confusing that with the situation I grew up in. They are not even in the same country as one another.

      I don’t know what type of “study” you’re involved in, but until it’s done and it’s passed muster, I’d not rely on it as some kind of holy grail. Honestly, I’d love to take a look at it. I actually READ studies, it’s my hobby. I’d love to see if it is a true study, or if it’s just some new attempt at psycho-babble. You haven’t even shared your background for this supposed “expertise”. Are you a parent? Are you a child psychologist? What exactly are your qualifications?

    • says

      Prem, I appreciate your concern. I see you are passionate about your beliefs. Please understand this is a humor post and is tongue-in-cheek. People are getting riled up over your comments because your comments are coming off as judgmental and even mean. There are ways to express your beliefs without insulting others. We can disagree, we can joke around, and we can rib on each other, but let’s not get out of hand, okay?

  2. Prem says

    I would hope it was a joke, but the fact that her kids are winning and crying tells me that she, even without the help of the elf, is putting her kids in FEAR. It is amazing how you moms are so concerned about the elf, but not concerned about the winning and crying children.

  3. says

    Kids cry for all kinds of reasons. I’m willing to bet her kids are whining and crying because, oh, I don’t know… maybe because that’s what kids do? It’s kind of their schtick. My kids do it with alarming frequency, and we don’t even have an elf! I do tell them there are monsters in their closets, though, and sometimes I “forget” to pick them up from school on Fridays and they end up huddled in the cafeteria all weekend, but we all have a good laugh about it on Monday. Oh wait, crap! It’s already Tuesday! KIDDING. Obviously. I remembered to pick them up yesterday.

    But seriously, I agree with you that kids can act out when they’re scared. But they also act out when you give them the wrong flavor of ice cream, or when they’re tired, or when you make them stop playing long enough to go to the bathroom so they don’t pee their pants, or when you don’t buy them gum at the grocery (newsflash to my 2yo – I’m not letting you have gum). Earlier today my kid had a 10 minute tantrum because I almost went to get the vacuum without her – and before you say she was having abandonment issues, she was in the middle of making cookies with my husband at the time. How was I supposed to know the vacuum was more interesting?!?
    hollow tree ventures recently posted… Dining etiquette for dummiesMy Profile

    • says

      My personal favourite: Screaming because I didn’t understand that today “dudaudha” means “I want the rubber duckie I just saw over your shoulder, and I want it NOW. Sod that you are cleaning up because I peed everywhere, I want the damned rubber duckie NOW”.
      Or the “I want to stand, even though that means you have to support me because I cant do it on my own, and I will scream every time you try and sit me down, even though you have to so you can change my poo nappy”
      Brilliant. Epically whiny and jerkish too. Sigh,
      Basketcase recently posted… MissingMy Profile

  4. C says

    So Prem, because my kid can be a whiny crying stubborn little thing sometimes means he lives in fear? Guess what, kids are just jerks sometimes, not perfect little angels. Doesn’t mean they are scared, means they are just being kids.

    • Prem says

      C No! Children ARE BORN AS PERFECT LITTLE ANGELS and it is the mistakes, anger, frustrations, overwork, lack of freedom and resentments of the parents that make them ” whiny crying stubborn little things” and “jerks”. The words you chose to describe your child is the same words I would use to describe someone I didn’t like. It is obvious you are not well trained in child care and you do not like your child. Actually, a study I am presently involved in says that the majority of all parents, unconsciously dislike and even hate their children, but use reaction formation to mask it.

      In this group, you are just an upper case letter, so your secret is well protected. IF you really cared about your child, you would re-evaluate your child rearing abilities and get help in changing them, for the sake of your child and not you.

      I am an advocate for children. They are either the recipient of great care by great parents or the victims of terrible, ill trained, frustrated and angry parents. All moms and dads are adults and can take care of themselves. Children can’t.

      • C says

        Sure they are born that way, but as they grow they turn into flawed little humans just like anyone else. My son is extremely loved by me and everyone in his life, treated very well and doesn’t want for anything (aside from an ipod or the occasional toy). Me loving him unconditionally, and him being a big mama’s boy who loves to cuddle any time not spent doing homework or playing with friends doesn’t mean he doesn’t occasionally still get upset and whine about something. Told he can’t have this, or ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do, sometimes he whines about it. Kids do that. Doesn’t mean they have terrible parents. There is not a human on this planet that is perfect, we are all flawed.

  5. Prem says

    I wish I could say that raising children is as easy as making cookies, but it is very intricate. When a child cries uncontrollably, the issue is deeper than a vacuum cleaner. Chronic fear causes children as well as adults to over react. Chronic fear also causes a need to be in control, which children rarely are.

    The fact that you, Hollow Tree, find it more important for people to think you are a good parent than to actually learn more about raising your children and become a better parent is the major problem with parenting. When are you going to be an “HONEST MOM” and take responsibility for your children.

    There are actually children that do not cry much. Children cry because that is what children that are in fear or in pain do. Chronic fear is sometimes emulated from the parents. Children emulate their parents. Examine yourself to see just how much chronic fear you are in and how much you are not in control of your life and how some parts of your life suck, just like your vacuum cleaner. Signs of fear are your shoulders being up and breathing shallow. So, drop your shoulders and check your breathing, for starters. So the same with your children. Ask them to drop their shoulders. If they drop, they are in fear. Next step is to change how you relate to them to make them feel safer. Or you could avoid the subject and convince yourself and others that you are a good mother.

    From the majority of posts, in this group, I find it is more like a group of cheerleaders cheering each other on, instead of helping each other to be better moms.

    • Valerie says

      Wow! On your high horse? Moms needs advice, encouragement and humor not a “dressing down” from a supposed “expert”. You have no idea what each of these home situations are like. Walk a mile in any of these women’s shoes before condemning them.

    • says

      Well that explains a lot – I suck at making cookies, too!

      Prem, I place exactly zero importance in people thinking I’m a good parent. I can’t imagine what part of me joking about leaving my kids at school gives you the impression I care about people’s opinions about my mothering. In fact, being an imperfect parent, among other things, is part of my professional tagline. My profession is humor, by the way. You should look into humor – kids like it. Almost as much as they enjoy sanctimonious judgement. Oh wait, no one likes that! My bad.

      I can tell you must be a professional child-somethingorother though, and I respect that. I do appreciate the suggestions, and I will watch my kids and their shoulders. Nobody likes tense kids.

      Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to rejoin the dance party in my living room. My extremely tense, fearful children want to dance to that crazy Fox song for the 400th time since 3:30, and they’re laughing too hard to be trusted around the electronics to start the music back up again.
      hollow tree ventures recently posted… Dining etiquette for dummiesMy Profile

      • Prem says

        I am glad to hear that. As far as comic relief, I am all for it and I am very good at it to. I use it all the times with the kids. There are times when comedy just doesn’t work. for example, once I got a telegram and I asked the guy to sing it to me because I never had a singing telegram. So, he did. “DaDaDaDaDADA, Your sister Rose is dead”.

        One of the biggest problems is that all children and their parents are unique. You jsut can’t bolt them together like parts off an assembly line. The parents have to modify himself and herself to fit the child. No Joke!

    • k says

      I think we are all cheering each other on because we’re all functioning in a constant state of fear. If only we were all so full of shit, i mean helpful advice like you, Prem.

  6. says

    Yes, we help each other be better moms by helping us to laugh when we want to cry. I adore my two year old, but when he throws a tantrum because I won’t run the Thomas the Train DVD again, it sucks. Just trying to be a good mom and not let him have too much t.v. Or – ooops – should I not let him have any t.v? You tell me, parenting “expert” who has yet to mention if she has kids of her own. I have five. One died from cancer. So yeah, I feel like I’m an expert sometimes, too.
    Kathy at kissing the frog recently posted… A Thought About Gift GivingMy Profile

  7. says

    Wow, hello Troll. Sweeping generalisations are so entertaining 2 weeks out from Christmas.

    Or is Prem being tongue in cheek?
    “Children ARE BORN AS PERFECT LITTLE ANGELS and it is the mistakes, anger, frustrations, overwork, lack of freedom and resentments of the parents that make them ” whiny crying stubborn little things” and “jerks”.”
    I would never have called my little one a perfect angel. Given his favourite activity for his first six weeks was to vary between screaming at me and throwing up all over me. :P
    And sometimes, at the moment, he is a whiny, crying, stubborn, jerk. He has good reason – he is trying to learn to crawl, climb AND walk at the same time, all while unable to talk, and is teething to boot. He’s not much fun to be around, but I certainly dont blame him for any of that. I’m just hoping this all sorts itself out soon!
    Basketcase recently posted… MissingMy Profile

    • Prem says

      I am sorry you and your child had those experiences. I may be wrong, I have been before. IS this your first child? Usually the first child is the most difficult for the mom as it is for the child. It has to do with the amount of fear the mother is in being afraid she will make a mistake and hurt her child. The mom feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility and the lack of training. The child feels the fear. Vomiting is usually a sign of anger or rage, produced by the child, caused by fear.

      Of course, and I am not saying this is your case, but if the child was an accident and is unwanted, the child would have felt and sensed those emotions and thoughts for the 9 months before he or she was born.

      Children are extremely sensitive to their environment and are telepathic. I had a mom that lived in NYC whose daughter was losing her hearing. I told her to take her daughter out into the desert or somewhere where there wasn’t many people. She did and her hearing returned. She was being bombarded with millions of telepathic thoughts 24/7. Removing her from that environment restored her hearing. Her reaction to the telepathic thoughts was to shut off her hearing, like turning down the sound on your TV set.

      There are a myriad of causes for the problems children and moms have in this world. I have just found that chronic fear is the biggest one.

      • says

        Sigh.
        My baby had reflux. Like I still have reflux as an adult. Its a completely physiological issue.
        Also.
        Much of what you are saying is NOT HELPFUL on a blog that many readers found because of its honesty in relation to Post Natal Depression and Anxiety.
        For many of us, even when we are doing everything as right as possible with our children, the black dog that is depression tells us we are wrong.
        Please stop also telling us we are wrong. Because we are not. We are all here because we love our children dearly and are doing what we can, in a community of like-minded individuals, to keep ourselves “sane”. Venting about how much our much-loved children are pissing us off today is a safety mechanism.
        I can see from several other responses here that you have hurt some feelings with your sweeping generalisations. I think you are well-intentioned, but if you are, please stop. None of us need to feel like we are being trolled two weeks out from Christmas.
        Basketcase recently posted… MissingMy Profile

  8. Prem says

    BEING A MOTHER IS THE BEST JOB AND THE WORST JOB AND THE MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD.

    So, it would be irresponsible for me to chime in with all the other cheerleaders and make you laugh when you want to cry, make you hug your kid when you want to kill him. I address the root cause of problems and fear is the biggest one of the causes.

    Kathy, you sound like a good mother and it does suck when the kids cry or get angry. Anger is the energy we use to get our needs met. Sometimes it is just important to hear them and acknowledge what they want.

    On the other hand, if a child does a lot of crying, acting out and tantrums, it is a sign of fear. Fear actually causes the body to be uncomfortable or even painful. It causes the body to tense up. So, children want things to distract them form the discomfort and pain, which is TV, entertainment, food, candy, etc.. All these things should be symptoms or signs that good moms would use to address the root cause of the problem. When your child stops crying when you hold him or her, it is because they feel safe in your arms, not because they need attention.

    All people have been raised in families that produce fear. So, all you moms, unless you were raised in a perfect home by perfect parents, which I have yet to find, including myself, you are in chronic fear. So, when your kids are upset, look to yourself first to see if you are dealing with any issues that is activating the kids. KIDS ARE EMPATHS. They are very sensitive and sense your emotions and thoughts even before you do. They are like the canary in the mine. IF they are upset, it is probably because you are going to be upset or are already upset.

    EVEN IF YOUR CHILDREN ARE BABIES, VERBALLY TELL YOUR CHILDREN THAT YOU ARE NOT UPSET WITH THEM, THAT YOU ARE NOT ANGRY AT THEM. Tell them who and why you are upset with. TALK TO THEM. MAKE THEM PART OF YOUR LIFE.

    COMPARED TO YOUR CHILD, YOU ARE A GIANT. AND WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY OR HAVE ISSUES, THEY THINK “THERE IS A GIANT IN MY HOUSE THAT IS ANGRY AT ME AND IS GOING TO HURT ME”.

    Look at the world through the eyes of your children and with the tiny body of your children. WALK IN THE SHOES OF YOU MOTHERS? TRY WALKING IN THE SHOES OF YOUR TINY CHILDREN!!

    You have the opportunity to produce grown people that will either serve and improve the world or destroy it. You have a great responsibility. Children and people in chronic fear tend to be aggressive and violent and have compulsive and addictive personalities.

    Treat your role as a mother as you treat your breasts. Continually do self examinations of them so that they both will serve you and your children as designed.

  9. Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

    I’m a mom of 4 teenagers and twin 4 year olds. And let me tell you, I look forward to every December when I can bust out my Ultimate Weapon–Santa Claus.

    “Hey kid, knock off the shrieking for the 85th time today because your sister has what you want! OR SANTA WON’T EVEN BRING YOU COAL ! Nada, nothing!!”

    And now they’ve come out with the Elf? Oh my gosh was that a dream come true! I mean why should the Elf be kicking it back at the North Pole while Santa is getting slammed by the parents?

    Now I get to say, “Hey, see that evil looking, beady eyed Elf with the freakish pedophile smile? Yeah, here’s the thing pumpkin, he reports directly to Santa. Catch my drift?”

    Not only that. But I get to tell them, “Hey me and Daddy are gonna go talk about what WE want to get you for Christmas. So behave, cause Freaky Elf will tell Santa if you don’t.”

    Really we’re just gonna fool around. It’s a win-win for us.

    Crap, hang on Prem. I gotta go beat me a kid into submission. The Elf is laying down on the job. Literally.

  10. Prem says

    As far as re-flux, see it as an emotional problem and not a physical problem. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself what anger and rage you have and are suppressing and let it rip (not around your child) Could be you should get a baseball bat and beat the couch or mattress to submission.

    Sorry, girls, when I see someone drowning, I throw them a life ring. I don’t stand there and cheer them on, as much as it may make them feel better. All of you are really great at making each other feel better during hard times. You don’t need another shoulder for support. Besides you can use me to vent your anger. I am a good target.

    As far as raising more than 1 child, it is like being a one armed paper hanger with the itch. Besides, the world is way overpopulated. Why add to the population?

    I am not making anyone wrong. If you perceive me doing that, it is because you have been raised to use judgment and punishment to control yourself and your children. Judgment and punishment just creates CHRONIC FEAR!! VERY COUNTERPRODUCTIVE!!

    • Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

      Prem, do you hear voices? Do they tell you to do bad things? What color is the sky in the world you live in?

      Honestly, you sound more unstable the more you talk.

      You know what they say about people and opinions right?

      Now, don’t go away mad. Just go away. I need to go put the fear of God in my kids cause the Elf is on a Union mandated break.

    • Boom says

      I would like to apologize for my posts above. Now I see that you are a teacher.

      Ok so you have touched on chronic fear, but what Chronic, Prem? Like dank? (weed). What are you opinions on non-medical (pre-perscription) marijuana?

      • Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

        Boom,
        I know that you are asking Prem. But I must tell you that I for one, would be in full support of this. Or bringing back the days when they handed you a prescription for Happy Mommy Pills after spending a full week in the hospital after giving birth. With refills to last till kindergarten.

  11. Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

    From my almost 20 year old after reading this, “Mom, if the twins were in fear, they wouldn’t act up at all. Because THEY WOULD BE AFRAID TO.”

    I must say, that’s pretty preceptive.

      • Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

        First, it was my son. Who had tantrums. Who got put in time out. Who had things taken away if he really acted up. Who occasionally heard, “Will you please just knock it off for awhile?”

        And yet, he has grown into an exceptional young man, a contributing member of society, who can empathize, who knows that his actions and words have consequences and can affect those around him. He is respectful. He is loving. He is giving.

        And he didn’t just “turn out that way”. He was raised that way.

        • Prem says

          It is amazing how resilient children can be. I can’t wonder how he would have turned out if he was not raised in an environment of fear. If you want me to say that you are a good mother, no, you are an average mother and in your child rearing crap shoot, you got one winner.

  12. Prem says

    OKAY! NOW WE ARE GETTING TO THE PROBLEM. Your (some of you) hostility is just the tip of the iceberg. You are hostile and it effect your children, putting them into fear and causing them to react with crying and tantrums. If you have enough anger and rage stored up, this energy is in your hands and when you touch your child, they feel the energy as pain and react to it.

    Remember when your father would hug you with a 6 hour shadow (beard growth) and rub his face on yours and it hurt and you reacted to it? That is what it is like when you are livid and touch a child.

    BOTTOM LINE IS, IF YOU ARE CAUSING THE PROBLEMS YOUR CHILD HAS, THEN YOU HAVE THE POWER TO FIX THE PROBLEM. YOU HAVE POWER!!! If you are not causing the problem or don’t want to believe you are causing the problem, then you are pretty much perceiving yourself as a victim and all victims are powerless. You have to ask yourself if you want to have the power to fix the problem or to be the victim. Being a victim has its advantages. People feel sorry for you. They give you hugs and send you love, but at the end of the day, you are still a victim and the problem is still there.

    Freedom is about choices. Do you choose to be a victim or to be in your power and take command and fix the problem.

  13. says

    Prem; Do you have children? Are they human? (as opposed to fur babies or aliens) I am at a loss to your explanations, opinions and crazy parenting ideas. Truly you sound like the salesman that has never used the product, reading the brochure on how great, how wonderful everything is, but having no real life experience with it. Children cry, some more than others. Not out of just fear but for a million different reasons. Your generalizations are doing a disservice to parents everywhere. Parents with kid that have medical issues, and digestive problems you think it is all in the parents head? If you do have children I do honestly feel pity for them.

    • Prem says

      I am not saying that children shouldn’t cry or get angry. THEY SHOULD! AS IT IS HEALTHY AND NATURAL. The moms here seem to have problems with children crying and having tantrums all the time and that is a symptom of chronic fear. Most people see fear as a weakness and wrong or bad and so they do not want to admit that they or their children are in fear. That makes it more difficult for them to address the problem.

      BTW, back in the early 70s, when I was young and clueless and had low self esteem, I married a real bitch that had a 4 year old son. He had enormous behavioral problems including sucking his thumb. After about a year in the marriage, I realized just how abusive she was to him and how terrorized he was by her. That is an extreme of chronic fear, but it still is valid in lower level of fear. Her son jumped out of the upstairs window and killed himself.

      • Bat Shat Crazy Mom says

        Wait…are you a man? That would explain a lot if you are.

        Thumb sucking is not a “major behavioral problem”. Unless they are 15.

        I majored in Behavior Science. I worked as a case manager for people of all ages with developmental disabilities. Which is how I know that you are full of crap.

        Moms need a support system. Somewhere to vent, so that they aren’t venting on their child with a belt. It’s ok, and quite normal, for moms to be frustrated and overwhelmed and since the advent of “Mommy Blogs”, we have a place to come to vent, get support, and CONSTRUCTIVE advice on what has worked for another mom, etc.

        It’s when you type of people that come out with your poorly worded advice that our talons come out. And rightfully so. You are making broad judgements. Every child and situation is different. You must factor in genetics, prenatal history (such as FAS), demographics, access to help, was this child premature, is there Failure to Thrive Syndrome, family medical and mental health history, is this a kiddo with some type of sensory dysfunction…the list goes on and on. ALL those things are factored in when determining “why” a child is “overly acting out.

        I know this because I used to do these assessments all of the time. Which, again, is how I know for a fact that you have no clue what in the world that you are talking about.

    • says

      LETS LOOK AT A FEW THINGS YOU MENTION. I WILL PUT MY RESPONSE IN CAPS, JUST SO WE HAVE SOME CLARITY, YOUR WORDS ARE IN LOWER CASE: I am sorry you and your child had those experiences. I may be wrong, I have been before. IS this your first child? Usually the first child is the most difficult for the mom as it is for the child.It has to do with the amount of fear the mother is in being afraid she will make a mistake and hurt her child. WTF? FEAR? I WAS TOO NAIVE TO THINK THAT I WAS DOING ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY FIRST CHILD. The mom feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility and the lack of training. TRAINING? LOVE, HUGS AND MUDDLE THRU IT, TRAINING NOT REQUIRED. The child feels the fear. Vomiting is usually a sign of anger or rage, produced by the child, caused by fear. MY FIRST NEVER THREW UP, EVER, MY SECOND HAD SOME GASTRIC ISSUES AND THREW UP ALL THE TIME, MAINLY BECAUSE SHE COULD NOT DIGEST WHEAT, OR MILK BUT WHATEVER, I AM SURE THAT IS ALL EMOTIONAL.

      Of course, and I am not saying this is your case, but if the child was an accident and is unwanted, the child would have felt and sensed those emotions and thoughts for the 9 months before he or she was born. A CHILD CAN BE UNPLANNED AND STILL VERY MUCH WANTED.

      Children are extremely sensitive to their environment and are telepathic. I had a mom that lived in NYC whose daughter was losing her hearing. I told her to take her daughter out into the desert or somewhere where there wasn’t many people. She did and her hearing returned. She was being bombarded with millions of telepathic thoughts 24/7. Removing her from that environment restored her hearing. Her reaction to the telepathic thoughts was to shut off her hearing, like turning down the sound on your TV set. REALLY? IF SHE IS TELEPATHIC IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE YOU ARE, UNLESS MAYBE YOU LEAVE THE PLANET.

      • says

        1. Sucking a thumb is NOT an enormous behavioral problem. it is a self soothing technique that many children either grow out of or replace (smoking, over eating), but it still is a technique to calm ones self, babies in utero suck their thumb.
        2. While your spouse had a child that was obviously distraught and felt overwhelmed with his situation, it is a shame that you did nothing to support the child or attempt to help him and your spouse work through some difficult issues. From what you wrote, the child committed suicide at 4? I don’t believe children have a grasp of death at that stage in their lives, so maybe that was not the intended outcome
        3. I grew up terrified of my mother, she was a mean, nasty and manipulative person, but this fear did nothing except make me move out the day I turned 18. I have a great relationship with many people, my children and co-workers. The “fear” did not shut me down or ruin my chances at a successful life.
        Good luck to you and I hope you find some answers.

        • Prem says

          momofthreeandisurvivied

          Thumb sucking is how a child deals with fear. He was an accident, that forced her to get married and then abandoned.

          He killed himself years later.

          You actually are validating mothers that terrorize their children? just to make a point? How about telling us all the stuff you have had to deal with that you area hiding,

          • says

            So a baby in utero is fearful? Because they suck their thumb? Don’t think so. I never sucked my thumb, so I was never afraid?
            Not validating mothers terrorizing children, I am saying that children need support, love and family. Kids can be wanted and have issues, unwanted and not have issues, and every combination in between. You becoming a part time parent to a child at 4, that had problems that were not addressed does not make you an expert. Heck even giving birth to a child doesn’t make you an expert on all children. The three I had, the about 50 I had in my care as a child care provider, and the thousand or so I worked with at the high school level, most of which had some type of social or academic challenge, give me a bit more insight than the typical parent, and I would not say I was an expert. A good sounding board, a resource that many come to for guidance, but not an expert.

      • says

        Thank you. I was in shock that he went from “Is this your first child” (well, duh. When I say “my baby” rather than “my babies”) to assuming my baby was unplanned / unwanted. Sure, he came along MUCH earlier than we anticipated (we thought we would have problems, no such drama), but dude, we spent 3 years discussing whether to do this thing.
        Basketcase recently posted… MissingMy Profile

    • Prem says

      AHAH! You got me there. I am not from this planet. I am from a planet where there are no men and all women have asexual reproduction and we do not have periods. When we want to have a child, we command it and it happens. Because there are no men, there is little to be afraid of and so, little fear. We have only the children we want and they are all the gender we want. As such, we have an enormous amount of power over our lives and freedom.

  14. Prem says

    Out of the 52 responses to my posts, most were defenses, which usually are the product of judgments made by you or interpretations that I judged some of you as being wrong or bad. As long as you are attempting to defend yourselves and your “good name” as a mother, you cannot resolve any problems.

    Your children are products of their environment as we all are. You are responsible for the environments. You all are or have had problems with being a mother, but, for some reason, just want sympathy and not any help to solve the problem. All that I have shared is foreign to you because, in the circles that you associate, no one knows what I have shared.

    It is more comforting to some to be told that their child is suffering from a rare disease than that what they are suffering from is being caused by poor parenting.

    Women have children for may reasons. Fear of God, Fear of disapproval or rejection by their family, friends or religious group, obeying religious laws, wanting to please their parents, wanting someone in their life that will love them unconditionally, wanting to dedicate their whole life to the raising, loving and caring for a child. The last one is the rarest reason.

    What I have shared is valuable. Could it be categorized as casting pearls to swine?

    In that movie, “A Few Good Men”, Jack Nickoelson’s character said it well, “You can’t handle the truth!”.

    • Wolfe.31 says

      Oh my goodness! You’re crazy Prem. Obviously ladies, he’s delusional, has NO IDEA how to raise children, hence the reason he has none (obviously no woman wants to go near you, I’d be afraid. You sound like an egotistical psychopath). Jump ship now and go find a blog of men who believe your nonsensical mumbo jumbo dude. You suck!

      • Prem says

        Wolfe

        You extreme expression of hostility and hatred in a civil discussion, means you probably were the product of a mother that hated you and hurt you and didn’t want you. You emulated her and hate everyone else, just like your mother taught you, by example, to hate and hurt people.

        • Wolfe.31 says

          I will not give you the satisfaction of “divulging my personal history” to you, but I will state you are certifiabley insane. Although I’m sure you’re enjoying all the attention your posts are getting, you are also stating that every single mom on the planet makes their children afraid of their mother. At least, every mom on this blog. It’s sad you feel this. obviously, you are the one that’s afraid, and I’m sorry your parents hated you so much,;to instill that every parent makes their children afraid of them. You suffer from a disorder in which you feel you can do no wrong, say no wrong, you know every parenting skill, and I have a link that describes you: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

      • Prem says

        My mistake. I meant, why women choose to have children. In this day and age, even accidental pregnancies can be aborted and most forms of birth control can prevent pregnancies.

        I wonder how many women would have children if their bodies weren’t designed for unwanted pregnancies. Sex? I will have to try it some day. How do you do it?

  15. Prem says

    Anyone that does closet time outs is incompetent and abusive to their child. Like I said, if your child has a behavioral problem, look to yourself for the cause and don’t blame your child. He is just the result of your incompetence and emotional problems.

    The only other cause of a behavioral problem is if another family member is abusive or molesting your child. I have known young girls that have been sexually abused by their mother’s boyfriend or by their stepfather and the mother defends the man and does not protect the child.

    Women are the primary caregiver of children and this world is a mess, not due to the quality of the air or food, but the quality of care giving by mothers. Mothers are the factory that children are produced. If a car is faulty, the factory changes how they produce that car. When a child is faulty, they blame the child and put him or her through all kinds of therapy. WHEN ARE THE MOTHERS OF THIS WORLD GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR PRODUCTS?

    • Shanna says

      Wow. Just wow. I have a million thoughts running through my head, but since I have bedtime songs to sing and stories to read, I’ll leave this one though: prem, clearly you don’t have children. And thank goodness because they would be so messed up from your uneducated psychoanalysis! Children are children – not mini adults! They don’t always have a reason for acting out. Sheesh

      • Prem says

        Shanna. It is wonderful that you sing to your children and read them stories, if you really do that. I am realizing that this group is just about laughs and tongue in cheek.

        I have two children and neither of them had any behavioral problems growing up.

        When children don’t know why they did something, it is because they are in fear and their subconscious has taken control. I don’t expect you to understand this. You and the other mothers just rely on your beliefs and that will make all of you feel good. It won’t solve any problems, but at least you will feel good about yourself. Introspect is a word foreign to this blog.

        This is a waste of my time.

  16. JJ&K says

    Prem – you emphasize that fear is what is causing problems. Do you have any credible sources to back this up? What are your qualifications for making these claims, such as “Vomiting is usually a sign of anger or rage, produced by the child, caused by fear?” Are you a doctor or a therapist or something along those lines?

    Also, when you said “All people have been raised in families that produce fear.” – if every person is raised in fear, how can it be isolated? Shouldn’t every kid be barfing or having reflux?

  17. Shanna says

    Of course I read and sing to my daughter. We also bake together, do arts and crafts together, play with dolls, have tea parties, take walks, among many many others. Just because some of us like to come here and have a laugh at the end of the day does not make us bad or abusive parents. You have CLEARLY lost your damn mind.

    p.s. Why are you replying to yourself? I smell a troll…

    • Valerie says

      You sir are the one that’s repulsive. All 4 of my children are quite successful and well balanced. My son in a highly decorated Marine (although I’m sure you’ll find some psycho babble regarding that). I take offense to the fact that you’ve equated me with a prostitute. You are not worth my time nor my explanations. I stand by my initial observation, you ARE full of shit.

  18. says

    Thanks for good bedtime reading! I’ve had a psychologist, social worker, OT, kindergarten teacher and elementary school principal commend my ability to parent and my patience but I lose it sometimes and I yell. It happens because I’m human and I’m tired, overworked, and underpaid. Since our social worker hasn’t sent out CPS and she knows everything that goes on here, I won’t think think that I’m horribly abusing my child by setting rules and establishing order and hierarchy. You can love, support and set limits. Some might say they go hand in hand. My kids colored all over my walks yesterday, I made them clean it up. I guess manual labor probably isn’t ok either.

    On another note, I’m pretty sure we should all fear the elves as they will start murdering families in their sleep. Those things are creepy.
    Jamie @ Sensational Family recently posted… 10 Things SPD has taught meMy Profile

  19. JennyMomma says

    Prem, You are one unbelievable POS! Of course all of these moms are reacting with anger, you’re a bully and are very good at pushing buttons. You seem to put all women in the same category which is the reason why the world “is a mess.” And actually you’re wrong, the food we eat and the pollution we breathe on a daily basis (like the chemicals that even our sofas are doused in and what about the fire retardent chemicals on children’s pajamas?!?!) they are definitely, atleast partially, responsible for human behavior! How could it not be?! I could go on for hours because you are so rediculous. Also what is with the fear shit?! I’m starting to think you have major mommy issues!! You really seem to hate women, especially moms, maybe you weren’t wanted and your mother hated you and abused you or maybe you were molested by your mother’s boyfriend? Hey your words, not mine! Whatever it is, you are one f’d up individual! I really wouldn’t be surprised if you were a serial killer who targeted women, especially mom’s that have a sense of humor! And Merry Christmas D’bag…oh wait you’re probably an atheist!

  20. Prem says

    I am not saying this to offend anyone.
    Out of all the moms in this blog, not one of them even asked
    “How do I prevent my child from being in fear?”
    or
    “How do I get my child out of fear?”

    It is almost as if, unconsciously you want your children to be in fear and I don’t know the answer to that puzzle (why you would want that) yet.

    In my search for the truth, you all, even those that sent me hate mail, have assisted me in my quest.

    Thank you

    Prem

  21. Chris says

    I popped some popcorn to watch this farce unfold. Anyone want some? I have extra butter! *offers*

    But we probably shouldn’t feed the troll, so no popcorn for Prem. ;)

    • says

      Wow, did you see his response below? Not even a direct reply…
      And yet, he wonders why people have got so up in arms at him.
      Everyone else here? I can totally tell when they are being funny / sarcastic. But perhaps, for these sorts of people we need to start adding tags?
      Basketcase recently posted… MissingMy Profile

      • Chris says

        Ha! Nope, never saw the reply. Now I’m feeling left out of the party.

        Someone make some random accusation about me without any prior or firsthand knowledge of my life!!! PLEASE?!?!?

          • Chris says

            Yeah, probably something like rocking my sick kid for a while before bed or another activity equally as sadistic. Can you tell me what he/she said? (I say he/she because I think Prem changed genders once or twice during the comments)

  22. Mamaintheburbs says

    I am appalled at this bullshit coming out of “Prem’s” mouth! JD– you need to close the comments or delete this person and ban them from your blog.
    I am the mother to an adoptive child, Prem. DO NOT JUDGE my daughters biological parents for choosing adoption. They were 19 years old, no money, no place to live and wanted to go to school. They had no support from family. AND THEY wanted a better life for their child. My daughter was adopted at birth. And we were even there for the delivery. Her birthparents did not “give her up” and anything that you have said!!! I’m sick from your foul mouth (and I curse a lot) and sick that you even had the nerve to make NAZI comments (my family survived the Holocaust. Why the heck did you comment on this thread? It was a humor post? Do you not joke or ever make fun/crack a smile? I think you are someone with nothing better to do than to harass other people and bully their parenting style.
    Do us all a favor and please leave us alone! Don’t comment and do not come back here again!!!!
    We all love Honest Mom, JD has a great sense of humor and is a true warrior!!!
    I don’t think your judgements, advice, humor or attitude did anything except hurt people! So maybe you are the one who needs to check themselves or frankly check in to a nice padded room!!!!

  23. Wtf says

    PREM is taking kids away from their parents?!?! Hmmm, I’m thinking that way of thinking is the reason CYS is so ineffective. How about worrying about my crack addict neighbor that is taking such good care of her kid instead of the kids of parents trying to keep from contributing yet another self-righteous brat to society. Some of these comments made me pee myself. But I imagine that’s because I’m afraid (of waking up my kids so early!).

    I’m also thinking maybe kids need to feel fear – then maybe they wouldn’t grow up to rob banks, kill young school kids, shoot up a movie theater, become politicians, you get the idea.

    Ps. I’ve found that those that have only learned from books and never put what they learned to real life use, never really learned in the first place. Apologies to anyone naturally book-smart. Didn’t mean to knock you down, just making a point.

  24. says

    My two are still too young but I am dying to do elf on a shelf. Although my brother's kids think along the lines of your kids, that Santa loves them unconditionally so they can be naughty and know presents will still be there. eeek

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